He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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