Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
