His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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