lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize