do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
