He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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