No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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