I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it's not cheating when I paid for it
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???