it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.