I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
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America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
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Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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