Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(203): View more from Connecticut

It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.

Fav 16 3912 834
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?

(1-303): View more from Colorado

That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence

Fav 8 2713 877
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(631): View more from New York

i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker

Fav 16 5036 1522
share tweet
(602): View more from Arizona

You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.

Fav 15 3365 1046
share tweet
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
Read it at the TFLN blog
(919): View more from North Carolina

Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

Fav 57 21127 1906
share tweet
(808): View more from Hawaii

Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps

Fav 7 5150 1539
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(301): View more from Maryland

She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....

Fav 10 6217 1471
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(850): View more from Florida

Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?

Fav 5 1019 641
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(941): View more from Florida

With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.

Fav 2 748 427
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT