I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
