I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
