Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
