2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
