**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
