Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
