I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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