it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
