I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
