I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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