my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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