Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
