At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
