I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I faked an abortion last night.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
