I'm eating all of the evidence.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
