This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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