There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
