i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
