and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
