Can i not drive my cunt home
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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