fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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