Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
