TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
