Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize