dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
