forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
