He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
