First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
