you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize