I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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