We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
