Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
