oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
