Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
