i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
