I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
