things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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