She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
