Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
