I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
