she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
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If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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