So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
