He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
