Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
