I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
