I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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