My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
...so i touched it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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