Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
