Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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