If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm at about main and main street
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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