U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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